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Ask Dr. K

My partner and I recently found out that I am HIV-positive and for the moment he is negative. We both have had negative test results in the past and have had unprotected sex with each other, both on the receiving end. Now that I'm positive, he is worried about contracting HIV. He's concerned about a variety of activities - everything from me sleeping naked with him to the risk of night time pre-cum getting into a cut on his body. Also he is worried about oral sex and masturbation -- if I were to cum on him, would he be able to contract the virus?

Sounds like you guys have a lot to process. In general, your partner can't get HIV from you just by coming into contact with your semen unless it's through one of these methods:

1) unprotected anal intercourse with you as the top (highest risk)

2) unprotected anal sex with him as the top (lower risk , but still risky).

So, you can cum on him during masturbation and he won't get the virus. You can sleep together, and even if your pre-cum dribbles on him, he won't get infected. As for oral sex. it's considered very, very low risk, but you might want to avoid cumming in his mouth to reduce a very, very low risk even further.

You may want to check out some local community organizations for gay men and see if they have any programs for men in couples with discordant (mixed) HIV serostatus. Please have your partner get tested again, if he hasn't already. For more information, call the Center for Disease Control National STD and AIDS hotline at 800-342-2437. It's open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

To your health,
Dr. K

Last modified on Thursday, November 19, 2009.
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