QUESTION
Every time I have anal sex with my life partner I seem to always tear and am extremely sore afterwards. We bareback most of the time. Is this tearing normal? His penis is average sized and not too big, so why do I keep ripping? Do I need to see a doctor?

ANSWER
A couple of factors may exist. He may be entering you too fast, before you are relaxed enough to allow it. You may not have enough lubrication in your rectum, or you may have a medical condition such as a tear, hemorrhoid, or fissure and it needs to be treated.

See a medical provider about your concerns and ask him to do an exam to rule out the medical concerns. It is also important for you and your partner to openly communicate your feelings around this issue, especially regarding the pain you might be experiencing, how to make sex go more smoothly, and what alternatives there are to anal sex while you await medical attention.

If your doctor says you do not have a hemorrhoid or fissure, I suggest that your partner enter you very slowly, using plenty of lube. Maybe if he enters you on "your time," meaning you give him cues about when to enter and how fast or slow, you will feel more relaxed, not tear, and enjoy the experience more. Sex should be fun and not be painful afterwards---pain with intercourse can be a sign of an infection or other problem warranting a check up.

To your health,
Dr. K