My partner gets cold sores and his doctor said they are from herpes. Is it possible for him to transmit herpes to me when he goes down on me? If so, does it matter whether or not he has cold sores when we have sex?

It is definitely possible to spread herpes from one partner’s mouth to another partner’s genitals during oral sex, which would result in the uninfected partner contracting genital HSV-1. Transmission is more likely when sores are present, but sometimes herpes can be transmitted without any symptoms – we call this “asymptomatic viral shedding.” This shedding can happen in both oral and genital herpes infections. Shedding is most common in the first few months after getting a new infection, and the frequency of shedding depends on which type of HSV you have and where the infection is.

I just began a new relationship. We got tested for HIV together and are both negative. We want to be able to have sex without a condom. What else should be we be getting tested for?

Kudos for being so responsible and prepared. What tests you need really depends on your gender (that is, are you a man, woman, trans man, trans woman or something else?), the gender of your sex partner and what type of sex you're having. A medical provider can help you figure out what tests you need. Also if you are in a heterosexual relationship, you should talk with your partner and medical provider about pregnancy prevention (contraception). Many people are nervous about talking to their provider about sex. Here are some strategies:

I'm a top. I was wondering if I can get HIV from barebacking. I know it's risky for the bottom who is receiving cum, but what about the top who is giving it?

Yes, you can get HIV from topping (putting your penis in someone else's butt) without a condom. While the risk of getting HIV from topping is about 10 times less than from bottoming, there is still a significant risk. The risk of getting HIV from topping is higher if you are uncircumcised (uncut). If you are not using condoms 100% of the time, PrEP is a great way to protect yourself from HIV.

How safe is barebacking if the partner withdraws before ejaculating?

Dipping - being penetrated or penetrating without ejaculation (cumming) - is a common practice.  Herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis infections can all be transmitted without any cum present. HIV is found in pre-cum and could be transmitted even without full ejaculation. The risk of transmitting HIV without ejaculation is definitely lower than with ejaculation because there is less virus, but there is still some risk involved.  It can also be hard to tell if your partner starts to cum before he pulls out.
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